I’ll Be-Ding-Dang-Bada-Bing-Bang, Ouch

The playground had an energy from the sugary snacks. The students had shared Valentine's cards and treats with their chosen sweethearts or wannabes the period before recess. Calhoun Mane felt emotionally confident with a new focus on this specific girl. Second grade was unlike first because he had never felt an attraction to a girl before. Kelly Calloway became a crush. His closest kiss with a female was with his grandmother, but it didn't count because she was a relative and had false teeth that grossed him out.

Recess made for the perfect setting to encounter her lip gloss-covered mouth. If Calhoun needed a quick retreat, his boys waited at the monkey bars, prepared to create a distraction. These boys had all grouped together that morning before the first bell rang to discuss a plan of action. They assumed that if Calhoun asked for a kiss, rejection felt imminent. Calhoun understood the plan perfectly, rehearsing the scene in his head repeatedly. Walking slowly toward Kelly eased his nerves a little. She glanced his way as if to recognize that he approached the swings where she hung out. He pretended not to see her looking in his direction.

There Kelly stood with her friends, a cool crowd dressed in designer clothes. Calhoun, wearing hand-me-downs and with a candy stain on his shirt, wondered if Kelly was out of his league. Deciding to approach her was his next step; he found the courage.

Calhoun said, “Um, Kelly, can I talk to you for a second?”

Kelly turned around fast, face-to-face with Calhoun now. He breathed heavily, sweat beading on his face, and he leaned in for his first kiss.

“I’ll be-ding-dang-bada-bing-bang, ouch!” Calhoun screamed loudly.

Kelly had offered Calhoun something powerful, not a kiss in return. Calhoun’s attempt failed. Her dress shoe ended up in his private area. Calhoun quickly decided that maybe second grade was still a bit too early to pursue girls who might still play with dollies.